


Watching Stillness, Watching Life

by vinniebatman



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinniebatman/pseuds/vinniebatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every night, Spike returns to the place where Xander died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching Stillness, Watching Life

**Prompt 2:** ...aware all along of what can and will happen in darkness. ~ Grace Mattern // Happen in Darkness

 Willow didn’t think it was healthy. To her, it was like self-mutilation, only without the external injuries.  Willow had followed him seven different nights, her presence magically masked.  Every night after patrol, Spike would walk down to the park where his mate died.  Once there, he would stare, transfixed by the patch of earth that Xander had bled out onto.  Finally, he would look away and quickly light a cigarette.  He would hold it between his lips as he climbed up the tree overlooking that stretch of grass. 

  
And he would sit there, smoking that cigarette.  After it burned down to the filter, he would throw the butt on the ground and then just sit, completely still.  He spent his nights watching the place where Xander, the only person to ever have matched Spike’s intensity and need for love, had died.  Spike hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen Xander’s body on that ground.  But every night he watched that spot, almost as if he were imagining Xander's death.

  
  
**Prompt 9:** That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door. ~ Seal // Crazy

 To Spike, it felt like riding in an express elevator that stops suddenly. His stomach felt like it was going into his throat as his body felt lighter. He felt the twist, the pull, and then he would open his past eyes. Sometimes he would look down at his body, chained in the tub.  Others he would wake up tied to the chair in Xander's basement, back in Sunnyhell.  And on a good night, he'd open his eyes to find himself with Xander after they'd become lovers.  He'd bask in the almost tangible memories of lazing in bed with Xan.  He'd almost smile at memories of them writhing together, sweating and panting as they kissed.

  
He’d quickly learned that he couldn’t do a damned thing, only watch.   So he'd sit there and stare at the patch of grass he was convinced was still stained by his lover's blood.  And he'd feel it, the pull, and then relive his memories.  He loathed the memories of when he and Xander had been enemies, but he stayed in them anyways.  For him, it was worth it to see the loathing in Xander's eyes just to see him alive, to watch him.  He didn't know if it was magic doing it, or just himself.  But either way, it was his last link to watching his Mate.  So he'd sit and watch the memories move across his mind's eye, then run home just before sunrise.  And someday, he'd watch the memories all through the night, and stay until his ashes fell when his lover died.


End file.
